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Rotchy Blog – I answer your questions.

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Hey everyone!

Welcome to another Rotchy blog!  This week’s installment is a Q&A session, with questions asked by YOU GUYS via my ask.fm/rotchykong account.  I was going to write up a longer intro to this, but I ended up getting a buttload of questions – and figure that answering them is enough!  The majority of them were asked anonymously, and that’s fine.  I answered every single one.  Without further delay – here we go!

**The opinions expressed below are 100% mine, and don’t reflect on anyone else in Inter Species Wrestling.**


“What was your favorite ISW show that you put on?  What’s your least favorite?” - Becky.

-My all time favorite Inter Species Wrestling show is definitely 2008’s “Hot Summer Rub-down.”  The day itself was hell, as the ring truck broke down – and we didn’t even get the ring to the building and set up until 2 hours after the scheduled bell time.  After that, though – everything just worked, and I feel like we killed it.  One of our best shows in Montreal, for sure.  The fan interaction was the best it’s ever been.

My least favorite show – easily our worst Montreal show – “The Rotchy Horror Picture Show.”  It took place on my birthday, and it was named after me.  Both of these things seemed to curse it.  It sucked really bad.  I will never watch anything from that show ever again.


 

 “Without giving away their identities, obviously, do any of the guys who wrestle in ISW in masks wrestle elsewhere without the mask?” – Anonymous.

-I dunno?  I don’t keep track of them on the days they’re not working for us.


“I noticed that the ring for ISW is super soft. I’m not a worker but it feels softer than most I ever encountered? Why? And do any of the workers voice their thoughts (positive or otherwise) on it?” – Anonymous

-I don’t think it’s any softer, really.  It’s the same ring that Beyond, Top Rope, and several other New England promotions use.  It’s a safe, well maintained ring.  Those are hard to come by these days.  Never received a complaint over it.


 

“Thoughts on Homicide (wrestler)?” – Anonymous.

-At one time, my favorite wrestler in the world.  I took a photo with him at a Jersey All Pro show in 2004, and it was one of my favorite moments as a fan.  I was so thrilled when we were able to book him.  When I spoke to him – he seemed excited to have fun, as well.  Then he showed up late, said he didn’t wanna do anything that’d make him look “too stupid” because “I’m going back on tv in 2 weeks“, and depending on who you ask – went around telling people he planned on fucking us over by unmasking his opponent.  I’ll tell this story in much more detail someday – but everything about his ISW appearance was bizarre.  I spoke to him after the show, and we smoothed things over, and he still went home and bashed us online.  I don’t get it, and I don’t think I ever will.

My thoughts on Homicide?  Tremendous performer, and one of the greats in the glory days of East Coast independent wrestling.  I’ll withhold judgment on Homicide the person, because I don’t think I actually met him that night.


 

“Are there any moves outright banned in ISW?” – Ami.

-In order to preserve the handsome and upstanding law enforcement officials of Inter Species Wrestling, we’ve banned the move known as the “Cop Killer.”


 

“Which would you rather watch: Zandig singing “Mother” by Danzig or Danzig cutting the Zandig “Jeezus” promo?‎” – Brett.

-I’ll take ‘em both, I’m extreme.


 

“Have you ever seen Glaad Badd and Joey Ryan in the same room? Pretty sure they’re the same guy.” – Anonymous.

-Get your eyes checked.  They look nothing alike.  Not even a little bit.


 

“Describe the feeling after you ate a Double Down from KFC.” – Case.

-It wasn’t pretty.  This answer won’t be, either.

My old roommate (who is you.  Sup, Case?) bought one when they first hit the market.  She took one bite, and was like “this thing is gross.  I don’t want it.”  As the old adage goes – “give it to Mikey.  He’ll eat anything.”  I took it.  I ate it.  And my stomach immediately turned.  Severe cramps.  I felt like I was dying.  Then I was hit with the sudden urge to poop.  I sat down on the toilet, and sprayed what felt like a million razorblades, on fire, out of my ass.  I was howling in pain and screaming obscenities as she laughed her butt off outside the bathroom door.  I vowed to never eat a Double Down again.

…until the next time I ate one.  Luckily, I didn’t experience the same results – and it was rather pleasant.  Although the lady at KFC looked at me like I was an asshole with 3 heads when I asked if she could put it in a bun.  You’re serving this monstrosity, and I’m the asshole.  Fuck Michigan.


 

“Ever have a worker legit scare you outside of the ring? Not in, “Oh shit, I think he’s pregnant and it’s mine” but, “oh shit, I think this guy is crazy scary.” – Ami

-I saw Franky the Mobster get mad once.  Fuck wrestling, that was one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen – period.  He wasn’t even mad at me, and I didn’t wanna stick around.   I also thought Chris Dickinson was legitimately murdering Bobby Ocean in his ISW debut.


 

“So, Mike. If I begin using the gimmick of Fuckin’ Carlos, will you book me for ISW? I’ll work for free if you get me the travel ;)‎” – “Austin Aries.”

-Fuckin’ Carlos was the name of my created wrestler in “AAA Heroes Del Ring”.  The one time I played it.  If you can get the gear that my character wore, the shitty tattoos, and fat fucking gut – you’re in.  You don’t even have to be good.

That game is dreadful.


 

“How do you feel about sour cream and will I ever find my pants?” – Anonymous.

-I love sour cream.  It’s great with nachos, and makes baked potatoes kinda edible.  Baked potatoes are dry lumps of tasteless starchy bullshit.  If you think about what sour cream really is, or what dairy products in general are, it’s all kinda disgusting.  Fuck it.  I love it.

I hope you never find your pants.  Fuck pants.


 

“Any difference between Canadian and American crowds?” – Anonymous.

-Stronger beer in Canada leads to rowdier crowds, with more chants.  Basically, that famed PWG atmosphere is pretty common in Canada.


 

“Do you still work for IWS?” – Lee.

-Not currently.  Nope.


 

“Who is the “white whale” of ISW?” - Anonymous.

-Masato Tanaka is our Moby Dick for sure.  We have been hunting him for years.  He needs to wrestle Dickinson.


 

“What happened between ISW and Chikara? And what do you think of Mike Quackenbush?” – Anonymous.

-I wish I could tell you.  I loved Chikara.  We were friendly for a long time, and I don’t know for sure what caused the rift.  We used to exchange pleasantries via email all the time.  It was like Quack woke up one day, and was like “fuck Rotch, and fuck ISW.”  He kept workers from working for us.  He told our workers they could never work for him as long as they were part of ISW.  We were one of the only promotions not welcome at National Pro Wrestling Day.  It was messy, and awful, and we were never given an explanation.  Any time I asked one of my friends in Chikara, they’d give me a different story.  We took it very personal, and I won’t say that we weren’t dicks about it.  I think we were justified.  We had plans, and shows fucked up – because of people having to pull out.  That’s not fun.  I could go on for a long, long time.

Before all this went down – my last email to Mike was one where I offered to flyer an anime convention we were working, to help promote Chikara’s debut in my hometown.

Mike was someone I looked up to as a young promoter.  He took Chikara from drawing as low as 12-15 fans in a little building that smelled like hot dog water, and turned it into a worldwide phenomenon.  I respect the hell out of that.  The fact that he worked the main event of our first show made people actually want to see what we were all about.  I just wish I knew what his problem with us was.  I have quite a few friends in Chikara, and I know plenty of people who he’s been good to.  I think we should talk it out, and end whatever rift there is.  I don’t see it happening, but it should.


 

“Will you ever do anything with NewLegacy again?” – Anonymous.

-I’d love to!  I love those dudes.  Everyone needs to tune into their 24 hour stream next Friday – benefiting Fighting Back.  www.hitbox.tv/fightingback


 

“#CheeseSteenCheese” – Anonymous.

-Hey buddeh.


 

“What is your proudest moment in ISW history?” – Anonymous.

-It’s a 3 way tie.  Finally running a show in my hometown of Ottawa.  The ISW title match at King of Trios ’09.  And getting Dan Barry to use “Danger Zone” as his theme song for one night.


 

“Who would you rather team up? Shitty and Abyss as “The Shit Abyss” Or Bastian Snow and Sexxy Eddy as “She Gave me Crabs!”?” - Anonymous.

-I hate both of these team names (sorry), but I’d definitely lean towards The Shit Abyss.  I never wanna break up the Food Fighters.


 

“Are there any ISW ladies who enjoy the sexual company of the wrestlers? (I don’t like the term “rat,” as it reeks of slut-shaming misogyny.) Any stories?” – Anonymous.

-There are no ladies on the active roster right now, so I don’t know who you’d mean?  Do I know girls who have slept with wrestlers?  Certainly.  Girls like sex just as much as us guys do.  Let ‘em get theirs.  No judgment.

Fucking weird question.  Why do you even care?  For what it’s worth, I also hate the term “rat.”  I’ve had pet rats.  Rats are awesome.


 

“To your knowledge, and not naming any names, has Glaad Badd bagged any of the straight wrestlers?” – Anonymous.

-I have no idea.  Couldn’t you have just asked about “biggest dick” like 9 other people did?


 

“Biggest jerk in wrestling?” – Anonymous.

-Subjective.  Everyone thinks someone’s a jerk for their own reasons.  They may not be who you or I would classify as a jerk – but to them – big jerk.


 

“what is your favorite zombie movie?” – Anonymous.

-Day of the Dead is my all-time favorite zombie movie.  The original.  Not the remake with the vegetarian zombie.  Others I love are Dead Alive/Braindead, Dawn of the Dead (remake, I think the OG is overrated), Return of the Living Dead, Shaun of the Dead, and Tom Savini’s Night of the Living Dead.  A recent one I liked was Exit Humanity.


 

“Best horror movie series?” – Anonymous.

-I can’t choose one.  Massive tie between Evil Dead, Child’s Play, Friday the 13th, and all things Hannibal Lecter.  Nods to Nightmare on Elm Street and Phantasm.


 

“Any chance we get one more show this year after “Candy Apples & Razorblades”?” – Anonymous.

-I don’t see that happening.  Sorry.  Our show is literally on the last day of the 10th month of the year.  November is all about eating turkey, over spending/trampling people on Black Friday, and prepping to hibernate.  December is about eating more food, and spoiling people other than our fans.  Plus, the winter weather is far too unpredictable, and our roster drives in from all over the place.


 

“How do you feel about the Lego Deathmatch going International?” – Anonymous.

-I have mixed feelings.  I know there are people out there who claim to have used Lego before us, and that’s fine.  We made this shit popular, though.  The Fans Bring the Lego Deathmatch is ours.  It’s what we do.  And it’s cool as hell to see people out there bumping on blocks.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s just frustrating when they’re taking credit for the stipulation, and acting like it’s something they came up with – while ripping off spots from our Lego Deathmatch video that has over 30,000 hits on youtube.  There was a promotion in Australia that did one recently, and one of the competitors completely ripped off Buxx‘s character.  It’s too much.  Then there are people like Joey Ryan, who takes some of the craziest Lego bumps I’ve ever seen.  If we ever do another Lego deathmatch – I want him in it.


 

“Is Milli Vanilli really as punk rock as it gets? “ – Anonymous.

-Girl, you know it’s true.


 

“Favorite Lady Gaga song?” – Anonymous.

-“Paparazzi.”  We sing it as “Papa-Rotchy” on road trips.  Yeaaaah.


 

“Thoughts on Cesaro/Claudio Castagnoli? Did he ever work for ISW?” – Anonymous

-He’s awesome, and a super swell guy.  Never worked for us, but he did contact us for a booking the week of a show once.  It was just too late to add him in.


 

“What’s your thoughts on the rfvideo autograph controversy?” – Anonymous.

-With all the stuff he’s done/been accused of – I just don’t know why this guy is still allowed to be around pro wrestling.  I mean, you can’t discount the good things he did – like creating ROH – but the bad shit he “allegedly” did is fucking inexcusable.


 

“Why are all wrestling promoters scummy? What’s your scummiest moment as a promoter?” – Anonymous.

-They’re not.  Sure, I’ve been ripped off by my fair share – but I’ve been treated well, and paid by a much larger number.  Usually the scumbag promoters are complete closet cases, and not the people you’d expect.  I’m sure there are promoters out there that you respect, who are actually scum on the down low.  I’ve worked for a few.  I’m friends with a few.

I really don’t think I’m scummy.  I don’t think my partners are, either.  The scummiest thing I’ve done as a promoter?  I dunno.  I removed a panda from it’s natural habitat, exploited it’s wrestling abilities, and profited off it being decapitated and tossed off a balcony on camera?


 

“Thoughts on IWA Deep South’s LXW??” – Kevin.

-We pride ourselves on being unique, whether it’s with our characters, show names, or match stipulations.  It’s not easy being this cheesy.  These guys are a blatant bootleg.  To the point where they’ve contacted our workers for bookings – and said “use the gimmick you do in ISW.”  Giant Tiger, who they contacted me about booking before, even lead a faction called the “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.”  Food fights.  Lego deathmatches.  “Double Burger” tag team titles (we crowned champions at “Burger King of the Ring II – The Double Whopper“).  It’s just gross.  The promoter also posts some of the most vile, and racist shit online that I’ve ever seen.  I don’t want any gimmick that I’ve created, or paid for, working one of his shows.  I’m not keeping any of our guys from making a buck – because fuck that.  Just protecting the characters I’ve invested time and money in.  He can create gimmicks for them on his own dollar.

P.S. – Hey Highspots – ditch these dirtbags.  Come party with the kings.


 

“Let’s say Vince went REALLY insane and said, “Give Rotch the book, GODDAMNIT!” What would be your first order of business?” - Anonymous.

-I’d make King of the Ring an NXT special event.  Old school, one night, single elimination tournament.  How good would that be?  I’d also bring back the Cruiserweight title and retire the hideous US title.


 

“Best professional experience with a wrestler? Worst?” – Anonymous.

-Best?  I kissed Bill Carr on the mouth once.  Worst?  Homicide.


 

“Regrets? You have a few?” – Anonymous.

-The aforementioned KFC Double Down, Homicide, and all things Michigan.


 

**AND FINALLY**

“Who is the wrestler you know with the biggest penis?” – Anonymous.

-Personally speaking – Sexxxy Eddy.  However, I don’t have much experience in the meat gazing department.  In order to better answer this question – I consulted with the most experienced pecker checker, and biggest size queen I know – the incomparable Ed Wood.  Here’s what he had to say…

“I think Shynron has the largest bulge in wrestling at the moment.”

There you have it.  Long Dong Shynron.


 

That was my Q&A session!  I hope you all enjoyed it.  It was long as hell, so I won’t keep you all any longer.  I’m likely going to blog again next week, as a sort of “pre-Fighting Back special”.

I still have tons of shirts!  Buy one or two.

Love,
Mike

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